Of Love and Donuts

Do you ever have cravings? I do. I tend to try to ignore them. Sometimes, they go away. Sometimes…they linger.

My partner and I had planned a relaxing weekend retreat at our favorite spot in the state, Niantic. It would be the getaway before teaching starts—a moment to relax, a moment for fun, and of course, the ocean. Since the first time we discussed going away, we lamented that our location would be just minutes away from The Hive.

What is this Hive we speak of? The place where Krispy Kreme donuts are made. ARE MADE.

Since we’ve been working hard at eating better, donuts were not on the agenda. But, unbeknownst to each other, neither of us could stop thinking about the confectionary crack, Krispy Kreme. So freaking close and yet, so far from our beachside paradise!

As we drove closer to Niantic, my partner hesitantly said, “I know you want to keep on our eating plan, but, um, we are going to be just a few miles away from The Hive. Doesn’t a donut sound good?”

I replied, “OH MY GOD IT SURE DOES! Let’s go. But we’ll just buy a couple, right?” I had been holding steadfast to my commitment to avoid The Hive because I thought SHE wanted to, and she had been doing the same for me. What an awesome feeling.

(Don’t ask me how many we actually bought. Let’s just say it was a weekend of love and donuts.)

Perseverance

Have you ever worked on something for so long you started to believe you’d never finish it? Or had a goal that seemed so out of reach you almost gave up?

I have. It’s been so hard. Suffice to say it was a huge challenge to be focused enough to be productive. And you know what happens—When you have less focus, the longer the task takes. The longer it takes, the less you want to keep going.

I wanted to quit. In fact, I almost walked away. Then I remembered my goal and why I wanted to accomplish it. I started again.

I made a reasonable timeline, and didn’t give up.

I finished. Oh. One more thing.

Ta daaaa!

Happiness Happens

August is Happiness Happens Month. You may be saying, “That is just corny.” I thought so too. But now, I know the truth of the adage.

Toby, aka Tobalicious, aka Little Man, aka Little Stinker.

August has always been challenging for me. First of all, it’s muggy and HOT. Today the heat index was 105. It also is the month where although I am not yet back to work, I am WORKING to prepare for going back to work.

Despite these very serious downsides, I usually find a spot of joy at least once during the month. So far this month, I was sitting in the backyard wishing for a cool breeze and all of a sudden Toby, my Italian Greyhound mix, jump onto my lap and flopped down, laid his head on my arm and fell asleep. Even though his furry little body made me even hotter, it was joyous. I also saw a video of J-Hope’s performance at Lollapalooza and as badass as he was, watching him made me so happy.

Was I expecting to be happy in a month when the heat is stifling? No. But…It happened, and it was awesome.

I suppose the moral to the story is be open to the possibility of happiness so that when it happens, you recognize it and appreciate it.

Besides my puppy and J-Hope, lots of things make me happy. Chocolate chip cookies. Writing. Music in general. BTS and Prince in specific. New makeup. Books about organizing. The ocean. I’m going to make sure to experience all of the above in this sweltering month. And I’ll be ready when more happiness happens.

Take a second and answer my poll: What makes you happy? I’ll share the results at the end of the month.

National Introverts Week!

Did you know that last week was National Introverts Week (March 21-27)? It’s no surprise if you didn’t. Do you expect an introvert to broadcast this and celebrate? Probably not.

When I think of introverts, I picture someone who is quiet, reserved, and a bit of a loner. It always seems odd when famous people—actors, singers, politicians— refer to themselves as introverts.  They perform in front of hundreds or thousands of people, how can they be introverted?

I decided to research what famous introverts have in common.  The first thing seems to be the need for a lot of “alone time”.  They take time out of their everyday lives to spend quiet time to think and plan.  In this quiet time, free from distraction, they can let their imaginations free to create and dream.

They also have the ability to focus on whatever idea that sprang from their creativity. This focus often allows them to think through their idea and the steps needed to take to succeed.  They are prepared when an opportunity arises to put their ideas into action.

Introverts tend to prefer small gatherings to large.  A small gathering can make it easier to form friendships or to network, unlike large groups where people meet but don’t really get to know one another.

Hmm. Sounds like me. I might be introverted.

It is still hard to understand an introvert who stands in front of an audience and acts, sings, talks, or otherwise performs. But you can be sure they have thought about what they want, studied their craft, practiced until perfection, and are prepared.

Who are some of these famous introverts?  They can be found in every field.  Meryl Streep and Johnny Depp, Lady Gaga and Prince, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama in the fields I mentioned above but there is also Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, Charles Darwin, Stephen Spielberg, Dr Seuss, and Michael Jordon.

There is brilliance in that list. I’m in very good company. What about you? Introvert or Extrovert?

5 Stress Hacks to Help You Live a Healthier Life

Man literally under stress.

April is Stress Awareness Month.

Many of us have way too much stress in our lives. Stress doesn’t have to come from dire events. It can be insidious, creeping into your life and taking a toll little by little until you feel like the dude in the picture.

Been there? I have.

It is not new information that stress is physically harmful to you. The Mayo Clinic tells us that, left unchecked, stress can cause serious health problems including heart disease, high blood pressure, obesity, and diabetes. It’s in our best interest to find ways to alleviate it.

I know, you’re thinking, “Easier said than done.” A few years ago I would have agreed with you. But one day, I woke up with the realization that stress was killing me. At that very moment, I committed to making changes.

The first thing I had to do was leave the job of my heart. I loved it, was born to do it, but the stress of being a nonprofit executive was off the chart. But that wasn’t all. Here are five ways I hacked my way to a life with less stress:

1. Breathe. I have experienced the physiological effects of deep breathing. If you’ve never tried breathing mindfully in order to calm down your “fight or flight” stress response, just give this one minute exercise a shot and see how it makes you feel. Deep Breathing Tool

2. Put on headphones and listen to music. It doesn’t matter what kind of music soothes you, but headphones are a must.

3. Drink a cup of tea. Any warm beverage is thought to calm your body, but teas especially so. Mint and chamomile teas are well known to have relaxing effects, but so does rose tea. You can read more about it here.

4. Play with your pets. It’s generally known that having puppies and kittens around lowers our stress levels by increasing serotonin and dopamine. Don’t have a pet? Make a cup of tea and watch this video. Goodbye, stress.

5. Read. I know. You’d expect an author to say this. But immersing yourself in the world of a story can take you away and give you a chance to breathe.

   Do you have any additional stress hacks? Let me know!

The NaNo Journey

Every year. Every damn year I sign up for National Novel Writing Month. You know—the international movement to write a 50K word novel in the Month of November. Sounds crazy, right? Well, it is.

In a way, it is a competition, but not a traditional one. You’re competing against your work. School. Family. Church. Friends. Bathing. Okay, maybe not bathing. But the point is, your quest for fifty-thousand words is in direct competition with your normal life. It’s not possible to have both. It is also a personal challenge—the proverbial hero’s journey.

In September, you’re in the middle of your ordinary world. you remember Nano is around the corner. But by the end of the month, the pull of the challenge calls to you. (The Call to Adventure) Then your family reminds you how stressed you were last year. You remember the sleepless nights, the pain of digging into your soul and puking up words. You think better of joining the madness. (Refusal of the call)

But soon, you get an email from the Municipal Liaisons. They’re excited that NaNo is almost here. They have advice and plans for gatherings and stickers. They. Have. Stickers. (Meeting the Mentor) So you decide, “Sure! Why not?” You sign on and come up with an idea for your project. (Crossing the Threshold) You begin to gather your friends and fellow writers around you. (Tests, Allies, Enemies) Misery loves company.

Excitement and adrenaline fuel your start. It isn’t easy, but you push through. (Approach). And then you face the dreaded “saggy middle”. Your brain spasms and you can’t think of one more word. Everyone idea you ever had vanishes like a wisp of smoke. But you forge on, writing prayers to the goddesses of stories , asking for them to save you just this once. Documenting your stream of consciousness thoughts about how much you suck as a writer. And then, a glimmer of an idea flickers. With renewed energy, you set the keyboard on fire and just before the stroke of 11:59 on the last day you enter your tome on the NANO site.(The Ordeal)

Despite your exhaustion, you put on the Nano Winner t-shirt you ordered and have a glass (bottle) pof wine. Much celebrating is in order. (The Reward) The next day you take a deep breath, and read your story. Coffee is brewing, and the last of those stale donuts are calling your name. It’s time to edit. (The Road Back)

At the moment, I’m making my Approach. It’s a slow start this time around, but I will persevere. I’ll battle work and cleaning my house. I’ll try not to ignore my friends and family. I’ll remember to bathe. I’ll be the hero of this journey.

Movies On Deck

Popcorn!

There are two sci-fi/fantasy movies coming out in October. I’m really looking forward to them. From what I’ve been able to piece together from several articles, Last Night in Soho is a thriller about a woman who is inexplicably transported to London circa 1960 and lands in the body of a nightclub singer.  Unfortunately, the singers life is not all it seems to be and both lives somehow begin to fall apart. Doesn’t that sound exciting? Time travel, possession, and intrigue? Can’t beat it.

The second movie is a remake of Dune. Based on a 1965 science-fiction novel by Frank Herbert,Dune is on classic hero’s journey to save his family. I admit, when the first movie came out in 1985, I was not impressed. It was overacted and rambling. But this version is bound to be different. Three reasons: Dave Bautista (WWE and Guardian of the Galaxy), Timothée Chalamet (Call Me By Your Name, Hot Summer Nights, and Hot Summer Nights) and Jason Momoa. 

Talk about a visually spectacular movie. 

Dune opens on October 22. Last Night in Soho opens on October 29.  Anyone for popcorn?

Ask A Busy Person—Said No Busy Person, Ever

There’s an adage that goes something like “If you need something done, ask a busy person”. The theory is that busy people are organized, achievement focused, and diligent. Therefore they are more likely to accomplish whatever is asked of them.

In my experience, it’s true. But it may also be disrespectful of your go-to busy person.

1. It presumes that whatever it is you need is more important than their many tasks. That efficient and effective person is going have to reorganize their schedule and reprioritize tasks to fit your work in.

2. This seemingly insignificant ask frees you up, but ties them down. Tasks almost always take longer than you think.

3. Some busy people are not busy because they want to be, but because they must be. As someone who worked two full-time jobs for more than a decade, I assure you I wouldn’t have if it wasn’t necessary to take care of my family.

4. Along the same lines as above, staying busy is sometimes a trauma response, one of those maladaptive coping mechanisms that helps one to avoid thinking too much and getting caught up in a hurricane of uncomfortable thoughts.

5. The inability to say no even when you should may also be a trauma response. Sometimes called the fawn response, it’s a way to avoid conflict, abuse, or trauma by keeping everyone happy.

   The next time you’re tempted to ask a busy person to get one more thing done, this time for you, pause and remember that helping you may be hurting them. Instead, buy them a cup of coffee or a milkshake and fries and ask if you can be of assistance.

Four things You Can Do To Stop Worrying.

It will come as no surprise to many of you that I am a worrier. I worry about my family and world peace. I worry about my reputation and my professional success. I worry about my health (a terrible predicament for a near-hypochondriac). I worry about global warming, COVID-19, and job security. 

I try very hard to NOT worry, but it’s complicated. Worthwhile ventures often are, but you can learn from my trial and error. Here are four things you can do instead of worrying.

1. Do something creative.

Science tells us that creative action lowers cortisol, the stress hormone. When cortisol is reduced, we feel more relaxed and gain a greater sense of perspective. It also increases dopamine, the “happy hormone.” Increased dopamine, in turn, can make you more creative. Consequently, it’s difficult to worry and engage in something creative. The really great thing is it doesn’t matter what creative endeavor you pursue. I write. I also crochet, scrapbook, and dabble in graphic design.

2. Listen to music.

Particularly music you love. Research tells us that when we listen to music that moves us, the “happy hormone,” dopamine increases. A lot of music moves me so much it makes me cry tears of the joyous and melancholy variety. I’m pretty eclectic in my tastes. While Prince is my number one musical favorite, I listen to Florida Georgia Line, Justin Bieber (Don’t hate. He has a fantastic voice.), Nine Inch Nails, and Rachmaninoff. 

3. Eat Chocolate.

Both dark chocolate and milk chocolate have been shown to reduce stress. Dark chocolate, however, is the king of stress relief. It has been shown to reduce cortisol (the stress hormone), and it contains magnesium (known to reduce symptoms of depression). The benefits don’t stop there. Dark chocolate contains flavonoids, which have been shown to improve cardiovascular functioning. You’d gain extra advantages if you eat your chocolate slowly and mindfully. It’s something called Chocolate Meditation.

Chocolate, not your thing? Try a cup of chamomile tea (those flavonoids again) or green tea (contains theanine, which may increase serotonin and dopamine). Learn more about these food items and more here.

4. Breathe.

There are so many sources online that support the use of breathing exercises to reduce stress. During a recent, persistent episode of worrying, one of my favorite medical people reminded me that deep breathing triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting calmness. He instructed me to take five deep breaths. It worked like magic. I immediately felt calmer. Dr. Andrew Weil has a lot to say on the subject and offers these exercises.

I think worrying is a part of my basic personality and, as such, it’s difficult to stop. I’m not even sure I’d want to since worrying has occasionally saved me from making big mistakes. But sometimes, I worry about things I have zero control over. It’s in these times I use this list.

Let me know if you try any of them. Also, if something not on the list works for you, please do share.

Poison Ivy

If I haven’t already mentioned, my philosophy about all things green or flowering is “grow if you want to.” Sometimes it works in my favor. For instance, I once bought a discounted plant. It was priced at 75cents because the few remaining leaves were brown and scraggly. You couldn’t even tell what it was supposed to be. It was clearly dying. I felt like it needed a home. At least its final days would be happy. That was five years ago. It’s now a thriving philodendron.

Of course, sometimes my philosophy fails me, and a plant takes advantage of my kind disposition. Like poison ivy. I suppose I should call it MY poison ivy as it’s taken up residence in three places in my yard. If it had been content to stay in one area, it could make itself comfortable. But it decided to push the envelope.

Now, this plant has me hostage. I can’t kill it. There’s nothing I know of that will destroy this menace that won’t also kill everything else—in direct opposition to how my garden grows. What to do?

I have no choice but to suit up in long sleeves, gloves, a face mask, and long pants and try to extract it with my bare hands. Wish me luck. If, by chance, you have a better idea, please share.

Keep Your Cool

I strive to post new blogs each Tuesday, but I didn’t have it in me yesterday. With the heat index, it was 105 humid degrees in Connecticut. It was all I could do to move. There are many other places around the country that are in far worse shape. For example, Oregon reached around 115 degrees Fahrenheit.

The extreme heat advisory is in effect through at least tonight at 10PM. It’s currently a functional 103. Although we don’t have central air, I’m fortunate to be in the position to have high capacity portable AC in the major areas of my home. But my air conditioners are struggling to keep up.

Prolonged exposure to extreme heat is dangerous. It can lead to a condition called hyperthermia, which can cause confusion, nausea, vomiting, profuse sweating, cramps, heat exhaustion, and heat stroke. Take a look at the CDC’s recommendations at the link below. You’ll find an informative infographic that includes a list of symptoms and actions you should take.

https://www.cdc.gov/disasters/extremeheat/warning.html

If you, or someone you know is suffering in the heat, you may not realize that relief is available in the form of cooling centers. A cooling center is a site with adequate air conditioning for people who are at risk of heat-related illness because, for whatever reason, a cool and safe environment is not available them. During the day, you can go to a center and read or work on your laptop, chat with others, etc. while you avoid the potential effects of the heat.

These centers are located in cities and towns all over the country, usually on public transportation routes and operated by municipalities and nonprofit organizations.

There is no cost to take advantage of this life-saving service. One way to find locations and other details about cooling centers in your community is through the 211 network. https://www.211.org

Of course, many of us love sunny warm days and no one is suggesting that you can’t enjoy them. But you have to be smart. At this very moment I’m sitting in my air conditioned living room with two ice packs (one on my head), a tall thermos of ice water, and an ice pop in the freezer with my name on it. Anything I need to do outdoors can wait until the temperature decreases later tonight. Why not do the same?

Stay hydrated, stay vigilant, and stay cool.

Stealth Delivery

Yesterday evening, I went outside to take my dogs for a walk. To my surprise, three boxes sat on my small porch. Three boxes from three different delivery services.

Wait. What?

Nothing had been on my porch earlier. My doorbell didn’t ring. Neither of my dogs barked and no one knocked on my door. Yet there the packages were.

Man carrying boxes for delivery.

It wasn’t the first time I was a victim of stealth delivery. Once, I went to the front yard to pick up my mail, then to the back yard to put the junk mail in the recycle bin. By the time I returned to the front, a package was on the porch! I hadn’t even heard a vehicle!

I suppose I understand why. It takes less time per delivery if you don’t connect with a person. In the age of COVID-19, it’s safer, too, especially if both parties aren’t wearing masks.

However, if you don’t let me know something is on my porch, how would I know it’s there until I accidentally trip over it? What if it rains? A book would be ruined. Perishables would fade in the heat or cold.

It could be stolen. Sometimes Amazon delivery agents take a picture and email it. That doesn’t work if it’s not always done. The inconsistency means you can’t rely on it to know if your package arrived.

What happened to good old fashioned “ring the bell and run”?

I’m irritated by stealth delivery. How about you?